Parent Coaching for Struggling Learners: Why You're Not Supposed to Be Their Teacher
- Kelly Sutherland
- Jan 23
- 8 min read
If You've Ever Felt Overwhelmed Helping Your Struggling Learner
Quick Answer: You're not supposed to be their teacher. Parent coaching for struggling learners teaches you to be their strategic coordinator—observing patterns, connecting specialists, and building for 18 years.
If you've ever thought, "I don't have time to be their teacher"—you're absolutely right.
And that's the good news.
You're not supposed to be their teacher. Let me explain.
I'm Kelly Sutherland—National Board Certified Teacher, Reading Specialist with intensive dyslexia training, and someone who's spent 25 years in the classroom. I learned the most important lesson about parent coaching for struggling learners from a conversation at the beach with my cousin.
The Beach Conversation That Changed Everything
A few months earlier, my cousin had asked me to tutor her son. He was struggling with reading and homework. I explained I didn't tutor anymore—I coached parents instead. We had a coaching session together, but afterwards she decided to hire a tutor.
I couldn't figure out why. I thought I'd explained it clearly.
A few months later at the beach, I asked her what wasn't clear. And that's when she told me:
"Kelly, I don't have time to be their teacher. I just... I can't."
Suddenly everything clicked.
When I said "coaching," she heard: "I'll teach you how to become their reading teacher. You'll reteach the math. You'll become the expert."
No wonder she said no. She was right—she doesn't have time to become their teacher.
But that's not what I was offering.
I was offering to show her how to be their strategic coordinator—how to observe patterns, how to connect the dots between all their specialists.
Same words. Completely different understandings.
That conversation taught me everything about why parents are so overwhelmed and what they actually need instead.
The Problem: What Parents Hear vs. What Parent Coaching Actually Is
The Misunderstanding:
When parents hear "parent coaching," they think:
"I'll become the reading teacher"
"I'll reteach the math"
"I'll become the expert in everything"
The Reality:
Parent coaching for struggling learners teaches you to:
Observe patterns across all subjects
Coordinate all the specialists
Build for 18 years, not just this semester
Your job is NOT to become the reading specialist, the math tutor, the handwriting expert, or the executive function coach.
Your job is something completely different. And once you understand what it actually is, everything gets easier.
The Head Coach Framework: Understanding Your Real Role
Quick Answer: Like Nick Saban coordinating position coaches, you coordinate your child's specialists. You observe the whole player, make strategic decisions based on patterns, and build the long-term game plan.
I'm not a huge football fan, but my husband got me into watching Alabama games. As I watched, I started noticing something about how coaching actually works.
Nick Saban Wasn't Teaching Every Player Every Skill
He had position coaches for that:
Quarterback coach teaches throwing mechanics
Receivers coach teaches route running
Offensive coordinator teaches plays
Each position coach is an expert in their specific area. They drill, correct technique, build muscle memory.
So What Was Saban Doing?
Saban as head coach was doing something completely different:
Observing performance across the entire team
Coordinating all the position coaches
Making strategic decisions based on patterns
Creating the game plan that used everyone's strengths
Here's head coach thinking:
Saban notices the quarterback's footwork looks inconsistent in the third quarter. He doesn't personally teach footwork—that's the QB coach's specialty.
Instead:
He talks to the QB coach: "His footwork looked inconsistent. What are you seeing?"
He makes strategic decisions: "Let's focus QB practice on footwork this week"
He coordinates: "Offensive line, give him an extra half-second"
That's coordination. That's strategy. That's the head coach role.
Your Role as Head Coach in Your Child's Education
Quick Answer: Teachers are position coaches (one subject, one year). You're the head coach (whole learner, 18 years). You see patterns no single specialist can see.
Your Child Has Position Coaches
Teachers → One subject, one year
Reading tutor → Specific reading intervention
Math tutor → Specific math skills
Therapists → Specific areas of need
Each one teaches their specialty.
You're the Head Coach
Not because you know more. Not because you teach better.
But because you see the whole learner across 18 years, not just one subject for one year.
That's what parent coaching for struggling learners is all about.
Your Three Responsibilities as a Parent Coach
Responsibility #1: Observe the Whole Player
Notice patterns across subjects:
Does your child struggle with ALL writing or just creative writing?
Do they lose focus in ALL subjects or just during certain times?
Are they forgetting homework in ALL classes or just with certain teacher types?
You're collecting data, looking for root causes—not just symptoms.
Responsibility #2: Coordinate the Specialists
When you hire a tutor, a therapist, or work with a teacher, you're the one connecting the dots.
Example: A child struggles with math word problems. The math tutor focuses on problem-solving strategies. But you notice they also struggle with reading comprehension and multi-step directions in ALL subjects.
So you coordinate: "Can we focus on understanding multi-step directions while practicing math? Because I'm seeing this pattern everywhere."
That's head coach thinking.
Responsibility #3: Build the Long Game
Teachers have 180 days. They're building for the end-of-year test.
You have 18 years. You're building for life.
While the teacher focuses on passing 4th grade, you're thinking:
Will my child be able to organize their college dorm room?
Will they advocate for themselves with their boss?
Will they know how to manage their ADHD as an adult?
Different goals. Both important. Yours is bigger.
The Three Strategic Questions Every Parent Coach Needs to Answer
Quick Answer: Before choosing interventions, answer: What do you dream for your child? Your family? Yourself? These dreams become your filter for every decision.
This framework is adapted from Matthew Kelly's book, The Dream Manager.
Question 1: What Do You Dream for Your Child?
Not "I hope they pass 4th grade."
What's the LIFE you dream for them? Independent? Confident? Able to pursue their passions?
Question 2: What Do You Dream for Your Family?
Not "I hope we survive homework this year."
What's the CULTURE you want? Connected? Calm? Meals together without meltdowns?
Question 3: What Do You Dream for Yourself?
Not "I hope I get through this year."
What's the PARENT you want to become? Patient? Strategic? Someone who sleeps through the night because you have systems?
These are strategic, long-term questions. When you have clarity on these dreams, you can make decisions about tutors, interventions, and supports that actually align with where you're trying to go.
Why Tutoring Alone Often Isn't Working
Quick Answer: When nobody coordinates specialists, they work in isolation. The real issue (like working memory) affects everything, but each specialist only sees their piece.
Here's a Common Scenario
A parent hires a math tutor. The child also struggles with reading, memory, and multi-step directions.
The tutor works on math for six months. The child improves slightly in math but still struggles overall.
Why?
Because nobody was coordinating. The tutor taught math in isolation. But the real issue is working memory—which affects EVERYTHING.
What a Head Coach Would Do
A head coach would have:
Noticed the pattern across subjects
Talked to the tutor: "Can we build working memory while practicing math?"
Connected with the teacher
Maybe hired an educational therapist who addresses root causes, not just symptoms
That's the difference.
Position coaches (tutors, teachers, therapists) teach their specialty.
Head coaches—that's YOU—coordinate the whole system.
This is why parent coaching for struggling learners focuses on coordination, not content.
Three Practical Systems That Make Parent Coaching Work
Quick Answer: Three systems make the Head Coach role practical: Family Learning Board (observe patterns), Text Mapping (build comprehension), NotebookLM (independent study). Each supports coordination, not teaching.
Understanding the head coach role is just the beginning. You also need tools that make this role practical.
System 1: Family Learning Board
Makes learning visible so you can observe patterns and your child can see their progress.
System 2: Text Mapping
An active reading system that teaches your child how to organize information while reading.
System 3: NotebookLM (AI Study Partner)
Lets your child practice with questions generated from their own learning materials.
Each system has its own complete course showing you exactly how to implement it. Plus, every month you get themed content showing you how to use all three together.
An Honesty Moment
Before I tell you more, I need to be honest with you.
I have ADHD.
Which means I make mistakes regularly. I forget details. Sometimes I move too fast and miss things. I get overwhelmed—just like your child might.
These systems I'm teaching? I use them too.
As a parent with my bonus son. As a teacher in my classroom. As someone who gets overwhelmed and needs external structure.
These aren't strategies I'm teaching from above. They're tools I'm sharing from inside the storm with you.
We are figuring this out together. And that's okay.
Getting Started with Parent Coaching for Struggling Learners
Step 1: Download the Dream Manager Worksheet (FREE)
Take just five minutes to think about those three questions:
What do you dream for your child?
What do you dream for your family?
What do you dream for yourself?
When you have clarity on these dreams, you can build systems that actually get you there.
Step 2: Join the Free Community
Get the complete Head Coach Framework guide in my FREE Learning in a Distracted World Community:
Complete Head Coach Framework reference
Pattern observation templates
Coordination scripts
Community support
Step 3: Family Learning Adventures Membership (Optional)
Complete training:
Your Start Here series (8 foundational sessions)
Full courses for each of the three systems
Monthly themed content showing real implementation
Templates, worksheets, implementation guides
Ongoing support
Community of parents doing this work with you
Special Founding Member Offer (Beta Pricing ends when we reach 50 members):
$19.99/month (locks in FOREVER)
30-minute coaching session coupon
First access to new content
After BETA: Price increases to $29.99/month and coaching session goes away.
Not working for your family? Just email me. We'll figure it out.
Ready to Stop Being the Teacher and Start Being the Head Coach?
If you're ready to stop feeling like you're supposed to be their teacher...
If you're ready to understand your actual role as a head coach...
If you're ready for practical systems that work during the time you're already spending together...
Start here:
👉 Get complete system - Founding Member pricing ends as soon as we reach 50 BETA Families.
Frequently Asked Questions
How is parent coaching different from tutoring?
Tutors teach specific subjects. Parent coaching for struggling learners teaches you to coordinate ALL specialists, observe patterns across subjects, and build systems for life—not just homework help.
How much time does this take?
Less than you're spending now in homework battles. The systems create efficiency by helping you see patterns and coordinate effectively.
Can this work if my child has multiple learning differences?
Yes—actually, it works BETTER. When you have ADHD + dyslexia (or other combinations), coordination becomes even more critical. You're the only one seeing how everything interacts.
What if I can't afford specialists?
The framework works with whatever resources you have. School-based specialists? You coordinate them. Just teachers? You partner strategically. Parent coaching for struggling learners scales to your situation.
You're not supposed to be their teacher. You're supposed to be their head coach.
Welcome to the team, Coach. 💜
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