Why Homework Is the Wrong Goal for ADHD/Dyslexic Kids
- Kelly Sutherland
- Feb 6
- 4 min read
If you have an ADHD or dyslexic child, you already know the nightly homework struggle. You've tried timers, reward charts, consequences, and deep breaths. And some nights, you're still sitting at the kitchen table at 9 PM wondering what you're doing wrong.
Here's the thing — you're not doing it wrong. You're asking the wrong question.
Most of us are laser-focused on one goal: fix homework. Get it done. Get it turned in. Move on. And on the surface, that makes total sense. Homework is the thing that's on fire right now, so of course we're trying to put it out.
But fixing homework doesn't build a future.
🎥 Watch the full video here: Dream Manager — Dream Building Part 1
The Question That Changes Everything
What if, instead of asking how do I fix homework, you started asking what future am I building?
That single shift — from crisis mode to vision mode — is the foundation of what's called the Dream Manager Approach. It comes from a business book by Matthew Kelly called The Dream Manager, and when Kelly Sutherland adapted it for families with neurodivergent learners, something clicked.
The approach starts with three questions. Not three steps. Not three strategies. Three questions that reframe everything about how you see your child's learning journey.
The Three Dream Manager Questions
Question 1: What do you dream for your child?
Not what grade do you want them to get. Not what score do you want on the test. What do you dream for the person they're becoming? What kind of human do you want them to grow into?
Question 2: What do you dream for your family?
Dinners without battles. Connection instead of nagging. A home where learning doesn't feel like punishment. What does that actually look like for your family?
Question 3: What do you dream for yourself?
This one catches parents off guard. You matter in this equation too. Your dreams, your energy, your wellbeing — they're not separate from your child's success. They're woven into it.
Why This Works for ADHD and Dyslexic Kids Homework Challenges Specifically
Kids with ADHD and dyslexia aren't broken. They're wired differently — and that difference often comes with extraordinary strengths that traditional homework-focused thinking completely misses.
When you're only focused on fixing what's struggling, you never get to see the bigger picture. You never get to ask: where is this child actually headed? And more importantly: how do I build a path toward that dream instead of just surviving tonight?
The Dream Manager Approach doesn't eliminate homework. It doesn't make dyslexia disappear or rewire ADHD. What it does is give you a why that's bigger than any single assignment, so that ADHD/ Dyslexic kids homework becomes purpose driven. And when you have a vision you're building toward, homework becomes just one small piece of the picture — not the whole thing.
A Real Story: From "Fix It" to "Build It"
My own son struggled with reading for years. But he could build anything with his hands. Today, he works in construction, making great money doing work he loves.
I didn't fix his reading. I managed his dream.
That's not a magic story. It's a shift in strategy — from constantly trying to fix the struggle to intentionally building toward a strength and a future.
Where to Start
You don't need a perfect plan. You don't need to have all the answers right now. You just need to start asking the right questions.
Download the free Dream Builder Questions Worksheet in the Learning in a Distracted World Community — it walks you through all three questions and gives you space to start building your vision. No fluff, no overwhelm. Just three questions and a blank page to start dreaming bigger.
And if you want to see exactly how this approach works in practice — including how to use your answers to actually change your homework routine — watch the full video above.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does this work if my child has both ADHD and dyslexia?
Absolutely. The Dream Manager Approach works by shifting your focus to vision and strengths rather than deficits. It doesn't target one diagnosis — it reframes how you see your child's whole learning journey, regardless of what specific challenges are present.
Do I need to already have a plan for my child's future?
Not at all. The three questions are designed to help you start dreaming, even if you don't have clear answers yet. The point isn't to have a perfect roadmap — it's to stop letting tonight's homework be the only thing you're focused on.
What if my child needs specialized support like Orton-Gillingham or therapy?
The Dream Manager Approach isn't a replacement for specialized intervention. If your child needs dyslexia-specific support or therapy, pursue that. This approach helps you build the bigger vision alongside whatever professional support is already in place — or helps you recognize when that support is needed.
Keep Learning
Kelly Sutherland is a National Board Certified Teacher, Reading Specialist, and Academic Language Therapist with 25+ years of experience in Title 1 schools. She lives with ADHD and raised a son with ADHD and dyslexia. She created Learning in a Distracted World to support families navigating neurodivergent learning — not from the sidelines, but from inside the storm.
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